Thursday, June 30, 2005

I finally get my digital camera back. So I'll give a little showcase of the Rollei SL35 E







Apparently the macro mode is not working.

Gavin pondered @ 20:58

Monday, June 27, 2005
In dreams

Disclaimer: If you know where to look and you are smart enough to enter, then maybe this post might give you much more insight. No worries. It is also meant to be read as a stand-alone.

The realm of dreams is where you have no control, and in the realm of dreams, pieces are woven together. In the realm of dreams, the mind is free to write it's own story.

It is also when one has no control, that one understands much more, learns more and sees a part of one that has been pushed under the layers of consciousness into the deepest recess of the mind. For the human mind often acts as though it is in full control. Very often, it is not the case. The consciousness only has as much control as the physical body has over the mind. The more one tries to control the body, the more the body will try to control the mind.

Dreamland is a very unique place, where the previously mentioned boundary does not exist. In the land of dreams, neither the mind nor the body has control. Or should I say, it is where both entities have a false sense of control.

In dreams, one can see one's fears, desires, pain, emotion and creativity emerge. In dreams, many unexplained things occur, and in dreams, the truth often reveals itself.

Then there was a dream 2 nights ago. It told me I was a bad, bad person. It told me I was far from the hero I wanted to be. It told me I made mistakes.

Most importantly, it told me to do something very important.

That is to ask for forgiveness.

Everyone, you, and I. Please forgive me.

Gavin pondered @ 16:56

Sunday, June 26, 2005
Hero-boy.

Disclaimer: If you know where to look and you are smart enough to enter, then maybe this post might give you much more insight. No worries. It is also meant to be read as a stand-alone.Wrong post!! Disclaimer not meant for this one. My bad.

I always wanted to be a hero. Since my childhood, I was enamoured with that concept. That was until people started to tell me of things that could not be achieved. Of things that are only justified with results. They chose to preach to me of reality.

They dangled the bait before my eyees, but I did not bite. The years in Catholic High, the perfect shelther from their ultimate weapon.

Back in Cat High, It was all about us boys, and our dreams. Nothing was impossible. Boys together, shall walk in hand, through the noise of the world, confident in one and confident in all. The strange comaraderie, this brotherhood gave us strength. Those days, nothing could stop us.

Oh I miss those days.

Then those days of thunder came and left, leading to the Junior College Years. That was where they showed us their final weapon. Sex. Devious weapon, that was. Initially, it exploited basic instinct. Carnal desires that I strove to fight. Yes, I fought them, being the hero-wannabe.

"A hero would never allow himself to be tainted." I concluded.

That was the first step, and a wrong step. As time passed, the former companions became opponents, and enemies. Every other male was a threat, I thought.

Then htere was also the promise of "happiness". The constant reminder that I must find a mate, a partner; also, to have a family.

In the process, gradually losing sight of the "hero", becoming no more different from a zombie.

You know? I think they fought very well. It is such a wonderful strategy they employed.

I sound as though I am vilifying them. Don't be mistaken. I am not. In fact, you can consider that the natural order of things.

I guess that I am just wired differently. I still miss the Cat High days. I want to have fun, and I want to dream. Most importantly, I want to be a hero. I tried changing the words so that I would be a hero, tried apearing far more glorious than I actually was. In the end, it all feels empty.

Ignorance of one's flaws, and refusal to accept the past, are severly unbecoming of a hero. A hero does not deny his roots. A hero deosn not deny his flaws. A hero is he who works for a cause regardless the cost. A hero does not exist because others want him to. A hero exists because he refuses to die.

And though such a hero is old-fashioned, there is always room on this world for another one.

Gavin pondered @ 20:44

Friday, June 24, 2005
Gareth

Spent a few days trying to do this. I gave up when I reached the back of the jacket. Or precisely, I got impatient and did a quick one on the back.

I'm starting to have a very defined look for Gareth at this point. From a manga face, it's slowly progressing into a real uman face. Of course, I've become more familiar with the huamn facial features. Next would be to draw Darianne.

Tough job.

I'm out. I think I might go out for a night shoot.

Gavin pondered @ 19:08

Thursday, June 23, 2005
No cats in heaven.

Heaven's Not Enough
Steve Conte


Heaven's not enough
If when you get there, it's just another blue
And heaven's not enough
You think you've found it and it loses you

You've thought of all there is
But not enough
And it loses you in a cloud

There, most everything is nothing that it seems
Where you see the things you only wanna see

I'd fly away
To a higher plane
To say words I resist
To float away
To sigh
To breath, forget

And heaven's not enough
If when I'm there I don't remember you
And heaven does enough
You think you know it and it uses you

I saw so many things
But like a dream
Always losing me in a cloud

Cause I couldn't cry
Cause I turned away
Couldn't see the score
Didn't know the pain
Of leaving yesterday really far behind
In another life
In another dream
By a different name
Gave it all away
For a memory
And a quiet life
And I felt the face
Of a cold tonight
Still don't know the score
But I know the pain
Of leaving everything really far behind
And if I could cry
And if I could live what truth I did then take me there

Heaven good bye

Nothing is ever enough for me. Not it, not them, and not you. But in the end, I am not enough for myself.

No one ever meets those insane standards. I compete, I protect, I love. Only to find that they are not real. Those people, they don't exist.

Who am I trying to defeat? Every one I defeat 2 more will come. They never go down, but keep coming. Never-ceasing. And all the same. Faceless drones.

Who do I protect, when they always charge headlong back into the mouths of the raging beasts. I wonder who is more stupid. They who run straight into peril or I who still go to their rescue.

People I love, are only visions in my head. Only in my head. Blood, relatives. Soul, friends. Heart.

The images are beautified, perfected, and such is the extent that it no longer resembles anything real.

Everywhere I look, pieces linger. Pieces that constitues an expectation that is ludicrously unreal. It's present everywhere, and it is beautiful. Everything has a piece of you, everything reminds me. At the same time, when I look at you, the real you has paled into something lesser. What is real then appears to be unreal. It makes me wonder if your existence is even required in the first place.

Heaven, or hell? Which one?

Hell rejects me and Heaven is never enough. No. How can it, when there are no Cats in heaven?

Gavin pondered @ 00:00

Sunday, June 19, 2005
Batman

Oh well, I gave in to temptation and bought BOTH CDs.

Anyways, the Gaiman tickets have arrived too. They're in the picture, but it's barely discernable.

The dudes caught Batman Begins today after a rather disappointing basketball session; and I must say it's quite a nice show. Much better than the 2 more recent attempts (Batman Forever and Batman & Robin). It's vaguely reminiscent of the Dark Knight Burton directed all those years back. It was rather good, but it lacked that flair Burton infused into the Batman movie previously.

Also, this batman lacked a certain charisma, and the cool and calm of the batman portrayed by Michael Keaton's. Otherwise, it's almost there. It is nice to see the "dailures" of batman.

---

The US Grand Prix is showing at 3 am. Gosh.

Gavin pondered @ 20:58

Saturday, June 18, 2005
New photos!

Alright, this batch is expected to be disappointing. 10 shots got wiped out due to a malfunctioning lens pin in the 35mm, and in a hurry to finish the film, many of the last few shots were of rubbish.

Turns out only 20 photos were developed. Of those, 10 were of satisfactory quality, the rest? Let's assume they never happened. =)


I found this moth resting on one of my walls. Such luck.


Once upon a time, I was from NYJC. That for your information is NYJC's collar pin.

---

Well folks, that is just the appetizer. The main aim of this shoot was to capture photos of subjects, as oppposed to the scenery shoot the previous 2 times. Enjoy.


From a distance, we can barely make out a silhouette. As we get closer, the figure appears ever so familiar. Once again, we encounter the tall figure of the endearing Pumpkin King. Jack Skellington.

What are you up to this day?


Jack bows to his distinguished guest,"What do I have in mind?"

He jumps onto the stage and with a bony grin, he whispers. "It's show time."


Silence fills the air as the grand master prepares his mind for the piece. Silence, until bone meets ivory. Then out comes the lonely requiem.


The keys go down and notes resound. Black and white hands move from black and white keys.
The audience remain silent. Without pause, and fingers a blur, he is unaware of the world.


Note after note, the mournful reprise fills the halls. "What ails thee?" One asks.

With a monsterous wave of his hand, he concludes his piece, amidst thunderous applause.


The musician is done, and he takes a well-deserved rest, taking time to give the audience a little grin.
"Thank you, thank you!" He says.


But his gaze seems aloof. It is not the audience he address. He is after all, the lonely pumpkin king.


But even the Pumpkin King has a human side.

Gavin pondered @ 19:30

Friday, June 17, 2005
Did the aliens capture the real Miss Chia?

The silence was uncomfortable, even though I kept smiling.

Maybe it's the weather, maybe PMS, but, why are you so hard to please?

I've never seen you like that before.


---

I bet that will not sound how I meant it to.

And that's the thing about "emotion". You can never express them adequately; even if you try, it is almost always incorrectly interpretted.

So, is one supposed to try to show one's enthusiasm in trying to understand someone else or should one leave the person alone?

Leaving people alone usually works.

I for one don't know if I rather have people try to talk to me or leave me alone. Usually, the former makes me more irritated.

That is not the worst. There are emotions that I don't understand myself. Then there is also emotions that make me do things for no reason. Or rather, I would find myself bewildered after the event has come to pass. Just sitting there, reprimanding myself. That is another emotion I do not understand. Why remain dwelling on a past event as if it will change history?

Not forgetting the emotions that hold me back when I want to do something.

Like I want to give someone a real good pat on the shoulder but I don't, because I am afraid. However, I do not know why I am afraid. Many times, I know the actions that will help improve the situation, but always, I fall shortof carrying it out.

Maybe I am scared of the consequences.

I think that is a terribly vicious emotion indeed.

Of course, none comes close to the nastiest one of them: Fear.

Gavin pondered @ 16:32

Thursday, June 16, 2005
E-M-O-what...?

What is this "emotion" thing? It all seems so foreign to me.

Or maybe the rest of the world has issues.

Meaningless sensations that hardly seem worth the effort. I don't understand why I have to respond in "socially acceptable" ways to it. Why must I pretend to be in control of something I don't practice.

Someone teach me, or show me. This "feeling" thing.

Gavin pondered @ 22:35

Wednesday, June 15, 2005
This is a regular news broadcast

News Just In: Colin showed me Pacific Internet's declaration present in their applications for jobs.

Here it is :


V. DECLARATION
1. I am not a member of or associated with the Communist Party or fascists organisation.
2. I have no previous criminal convictions in Singapore or Malaysia.
3. I am not engaged in any activities that may bring embarrassment to the Company.
4. I have not suffered any physical disability or nervous trouble.

Link
(Scroll to the bottom.)

In other news: Neil Gaiman will be at Orchard library on the 5th of July. Mei, let's go meet him!

Gavin pondered @ 10:59

Monday, June 13, 2005
Canadian Grand Prix

Pity I didn't watch it.

I see 2 McLarens in the lead.

They messed up the order for Montoya to pit, costing him a possible victory.

A little scuffle at a corner.

That marks the end of the race for him.

And this means victory.

Gavin pondered @ 08:58

Sunday, June 12, 2005
SL 35 E

(My webcam quality is atrocious.But it will ahve to do till I get my digital camera back from my other uncle.)

That's the camera. Got it from my Uncle this afternoon, and also borrowed a 200mm Lens, a 16mm Distagon, and a 85mm 1.4 aperture lens. Together wih a tripod stand and cable release, I'm set for some rather complex shots, no?

Gavin pondered @ 19:35

Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Caterpillar soup

On a weekday, people expect the crowds to stay away. On a Wednesday, people should be too busy with work to roam in town. And today, I should have been able to watch episode III. But no. It's the school holidays, and the cinemas were fully booked.

So? We had no choice but to walk around orchard, and ending with a browse through at HMV. Apparently, they brought in the Swing Girls OST, but at a $61 price tag. They have the other albums as well, the "live concert" version, going at $38. I am tempted, but it hardly seems worth it.

---

Upon stepping in my house, I was greeted with a bowl of soup. My grandma handed me a bowl of chicken-soup. There were caterpillars inside.

It's cordyceps

No worries there then.

---

About now, I really feel like kicking somebody. But I'll be a gentleman and spare you, because I cna't bear to.

Gavin pondered @ 22:51

Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Tick-tock, ticking clock

Ticking clock, please tell the time
Moving some,
The hands they mime.

Time for tea or time to speak
Check the sun,
It never sleeps.

Time there to slowly choose
Nontheless,
Still time to lose.

Rabbits run and turtles crawl,
Hippos yawn
but hardly fall.

Tick-tock, Tick-tock, Ticking clock
Tell the time, please tell the time.

Gavin pondered @ 23:12

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Mozilla Firefox, t3h l33t. There's so much you could add on, and so many things that could be customised. It's simple amazing.

The whole morning was spent tweaking firefox, and boy am I amazed by the amount of useful extensions it has. For you information, an extention is like a little widget you could add to the browser.

I can even control my music player from my browser. Wow. Firefox is almost like a mini-OS, really.

Come on people, take the jump, switch over to Firefox.

---

Ah, nary a day goes by where I do not lay my eyes upon a car that makes my heart swoon. TOday, the objection of my affection hails from the venerable Aston Martin. Sleek lines, high performances, an understated sense of mystery, and a deep sexuality that whispers: "Come get me, I dare you"

It is definitely a "female" car as opposed to the "male" Mercedes line. Unlike the SLR which screams power and majesty, and Aston Martin is perhaps more delicate, the lines making it a beauty.


Aston Martin V8 Vantage


Aston Martin DB9


Aston MArtin V12 Vanquish S

How could you not fall in love with such a splendid looking car?

Gavin pondered @ 15:22

Friday, June 03, 2005
????

Wolf Rain Spoilers ahead.

---

Gavin pondered @ 20:29

Thursday, June 02, 2005
Auguries of Innocence

Auguries of Innocence
by William Blake

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.
A dove-house filled with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell through all its regions.
A dog starved at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.
A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.
A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipped and armed for fight
Does the rising sun affright.

Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.
The wild deer wandering here and there
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misused breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.
The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.
He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be beloved by men.
He who the ox to wrath has moved
Shall never be by woman loved.
The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.
The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the Last Judgment draweth nigh.
He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them, and thou wilt grow fat.
The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from Slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of Envy's foot.
The poison of the honey-bee
Is the artist's jealousy.

The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
It is right it should be so:
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.
The babe is more than swaddling bands,
Throughout all these human lands;
Tools were made and born were hands,
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;
This is caught by females bright
And returned to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.
The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes revenge in realms of death.
The beggar's rags fluttering in air
Does to rags the heavens tear.
The soldier armed with sword and gun
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.
One mite wrung from the labourer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands,
Or if protected from on high
Does that whole nation sell and buy.
He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mocked in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.
He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.
The questioner who sits so sly
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.
The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.
When gold and gems adorn the plough
To peaceful arts shall Envy bow.
A riddle or the cricket's cry
Is to doubt a fit reply.
The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.
The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding sheet.
The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born.
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
We are led to believe a lie
When we see not through the eye
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.
God appears, and God is light
To those poor souls who dwell in night,
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.

Gavin pondered @ 19:55

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

There's a roll of film instead the camera. Approximately 10 shots left.

I need to finish it.

---

Cute, adorable eggs!

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/671/

Awww... They are just so darn lovable.

Gavin pondered @ 17:47

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