Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Mute it
To whom it may concern:
If you do not posses enough courage to actualize your dreams and your ambition. If you find that you lack conviction to go out on a limb in order to do something you feel for. If you cannot find the passion to devote yourself, then please find the courtesy not to ostracize someone else because of that.
Thank you.
By the way, I happen to reference the pianist who ran away from NS. Initially, I felt quite sore that he got to escape from NS, but it did occur to my simple mind that not everyone is inclined to serve the country by contributing to a military force.
People might choose to contribute via other means, but often, everyone is told to don a uniform or another to maintain a facade, a farce.
The very fact that he still had the guts to claim that he hails from our little island is quite miraculous, considering that fact that he did not have had to bother and just carry on with his life.
Sometimes, I feel very amused being in the midst of Singaporeans. We act like we're all bitches, and hardly stop to think. Otherwise, we spend the rest of our time trying to make more money.
I can't quite seem to comprehend which is worse: Bitching too much or bitching too much about things you would like to do but did not have the simple conviction to see it through to actualization.
Forgive me for being brash, but until you can say you're criticizing the pianist because if you, being in his shoe, would conciously choose to stay and serve your NS WILLINGLY, and in that 2 and a half years, put in effort to ensure that whatever work you produce is of decent standards, please find some decency to not place judgement on someone else's choices. I hardly know anyone, who if presented with the opportunity to skip NS oversea, would so magnanimously decline.
Inside the hearts of 90% of the NSFs, there exists an un/concious resentment toward their present state. So what does it result in? For one, it truly and genuinely wastes 2 plus years of your "precious" life. Honestly, what could possible be more futile than spending everyday "slacking"? It's not as though your life is that valuable. There are millions of "you" around, what makes you so such you're worth a thing?
When people are faced with difficulty, they can choose to act or they can choose to sit and pray that someone else removes that barrier. What that pianist did was to take a detour and find another road, is that wrong?
Many people are cowards in this place, and they like to talk alot to disguise this weakness. Talk can make the situation appear different, but as they say, "talk is cheap". You way lyrical about all the escapades that you're the protanganist of, you can recount how you nobly sacrificed yourself for so and so or you can bemoan that other person for doing something which you never would have.
I'm sorry that some of us might not as outstanding an example of the human race such as you, but until words can be backed up with action, please keep the volume down. There are other people in the world, for your information.
Gavin
pondered @ 19:29
Monday, November 28, 2005
Virtual World
I'm living my life in a world made of 1s and 0s, waiting for the sounds of a message, porwling the daily list of webcomics, trying to find some purpose in it all.
The prescription for such an ailments is lots of outdoor and lots of sunshine. I count my friends, and realize that there are only 4 I see on a regular basis. The rest are merely a series of alpha-numerics on a computer screen.
I've been stuck in such a world for so long that I don't even realize it.
Gavin
pondered @ 21:10
Friday, November 25, 2005
depeche mode?
I sometimes find communicating with people older than I am a much easier task. I;m so different from most of peers that there's almost a genertaion gap. I wonder if they're really worth the effort.
Talking with older people also gives many new insights. You listen their experiences, to their views, and hope that you will learn something from them.
They have an unspoken passions that I find lacking in many people close to my age. These elders, they seem to have a spark in their eyes, an little glimmer in them that tells you they will never give up fighting, but more importantly, it says that they will put in their effort.
Danny and Richard are wonderful people to talk to, and together with Mr. Tan, we idiscussed a little about a song.
Depeche Mode - Somebody
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....
Certainly, people all wish they can find a girl like that.
I disgree on one point. I won't find her. It's is up to her to become and it's up to me to accept.
Gavin
pondered @ 22:03
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Patterns
Things I enjoy
Basketball: Put the ball through the hoop
Archery: Put the arrow through the board
Shooting at the range: Put the bullet through the target
Shooting a gun: Put the bullet through someone
Photography: Put the image through the lens
Sex: Put the penis through the hole
Racing: Put the car through the wall
Hmm......
Gavin
pondered @ 23:34
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Regardless
No matter what the present shows, nor what materials I posses, it is all a load of utter rubbish.
Like wine has no taste and meat has no flavour, a meaningless empty space. Days melt into night, and night back into day, still so meaningless. I dread returning to my house, for any sense of validity of my futile existences fades into a blank nothingness.
There's is simply nothing at all.
And it's this energy that drives me to strive. To find a greater worth to dwarf the helplessness.
Gavin
pondered @ 22:05
Saturday, November 19, 2005
I like my grapes cold
I like my grapes to be cold, freezing in fact. Just like how I like my other fruits (some exceptions).
Many people think that my beliefs are way too extreme. Sometimes, they ask me why I so cold-heartedly believe in my view of survival of the fittest. They have all mistaken me take.
I might believe in reducing people who are physically weak, and peopl who are ill adapted for life, but that belief applies to the future. I want a future where there is as few of these people as possible, because I know that these people are liable to much suffering throughout life.
I do not advocate the removal of the less forunate people, in fact, I strongly feel that they should be cared for. What I believe is that we should find ways to lower the occurances/births of such people. Get me right, not by he abortion of foetuses, but through the power that science provides.
Together with education and measures such as preventing expectant mothers from taking drugs which might affect the child.
Get it right. We must both address the current issues and prepare for the future. Never by removing the present to paint a brighter future.
Gavin
pondered @ 23:23
Friday, November 18, 2005
I miss...
When I sit down to think about it, I think I miss alot of things. I miss playing music, and I miss the feel of the cool piano keys underneath my fingers and the special world that it brought me into.
I miss taekwondo lessons. The days wearing the white gi and the brown belt. I still remember vaguely the steps to tying it. I still remember how I purposely flunked the blue belt test twice because 'I liked the blue belt'. Those days were spent in the hall practicing the patterns, punching kicking, and sparring.
I miss the old science pond in my primary school, that little green pool flled with water hyacinths and fishes. In fact, I miss the recesses during my primary school days.
I miss doing prefect duty and I miss the stall vendors whom I came to know quite well in those 6 years. Auntie Margeret, the drink stall owner, Uncle John, the rice stall vendor with his famous Pork Chop. Not to forget Uncle Michael, my kindergarden bus driver who also ran the "yong tau foo" stall in the school.
Recess used to be this sacred thing. Exploring the compound under pretence of doing prefect duty. Playing soccer in front of the bookshop with all manners of "balls". We tried Chaptehs, ping-pong balls, tennis balls, and the venerable plastic waterbottle.
It's even more amazing that I can remember such details. I can still remember the teacher's names, the classmates. Those were really interesting times.
Then came an even better 4 years. The secondary school days. I miss those buttons and shorrs of the Catholic High uniform. Oh man, the secondary school days were a blast. There was never a dull moment. Seocondary 1 camp, I remember, the first time staying away from home, and the first taste of rebellion as we sneaked of in the middle of the night to look for spooks.
Then there was the outward bound camp during secondary two. The first experience of something remotely resembling military life. It was 3 days of suffering, and it was also 3 days of bonding.
I miss the Wushu in Cat High. I miss dear old coach, "Huang Jia Lian" and his torturous regime. I miss the time when we took part in the inter-school competition and won gold.
I miss the myriad of competitions and performances I took part in in Secondary school. I miss the feeling of winning, and I miss the spotlight. I miss craving all that attention.
But I don't miss so much of the recent things. Junior Colleage was boring. I had only 1, desire which was to fade into obscurity. Though i still miss many things from JC. I miss the drama club. I miss the few real friends I had.
It's pretty ironic that I should miss the things that were all planned out nicely for me. Whatever choices that I mdae and I fought for, they seem so empty. At least when I was struggling for freedom, I was fighting against something. I guess I just miss a strictly disciplined life, a life that is almost dictated solely by the wishes of others.
I miss the days when internet access wa scarce. I miss the times when there was still a concept of rarity, and I miss the days where I couldn't get what I wanted.
I don't want to please just mysself. I want to do things that will change the world. I don't want to live only for myself, I want to live for others too.
But first, I must shake of the feeling that I must be able to get everything I want. I need to lose it all, I need to fall to the deepest depths first. I need to accept the importance of suffering.
I don't want people patronizing me anymore, I don't want people to protect me like a weak little thing. I don't want everything brought to me on a golden platter. Then maybe you will understand that this life is TOO SLOW! My abilities are barely being tested, and I'm far from any limits. I long for that excitment I long for that busy life.
Damn it. I need to live a life that tries to tear me limb from limb. I don't want all the free time in the world, if I still see the world from such a distance. Deep inside of me, there beats the heart of a "do-er", not any other heart. As thoug some sort of unnnatural energy is driving me forward. DAMN IT.
Gavin
pondered @ 21:08
Monday, November 14, 2005
Of epiphanies and Christmas Wish-lists
I had an epiphany today.
It said, "It's not how quick you run the first mile, it's how fast you finish the last mile."
One more quote to add to the books, as I spend half my time obssesing over:
1. New PStwo (NTSC U/C set please)
2. PSP
3. High-end Tablet
4. Really good Sketchbooks
5. Sleek, nice looking Notebooks
6. Really good pencils
7. High quality Art supplies, paints, brushes, palettes
8. Canvas and A-frame
9. More Books
10. Merc SLK
11. My own Compund Bow and set of Arrows and Quiver and hanguard...
12. Rifle Club membership
13. My own vintage bolt action rifle/self-loading rifle (Winchester, Remington or M1 Garand) with scope
14. A good handgun
15. Authentic Daisho (Katana/Dachi and Wakizashi/Kodachi)
16. iPod
17. Aircraft/Flying License
18. Palmtop/PDA
19. My old cocky, bastard of a character
20. More Charisma
21. More Humility
22. Less desires
23. Life in my own house, without relatives or parents
24. To make this world a better place
There, my chrsitmas wish list. Don't say I never tell you what I want. =)
Gavin
pondered @ 21:32
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Shadow of the Colossus
One of the best games I've played in years. I'm so hooked on it I've played almost 8 hours in 2 days.
It's a really beautiful game, both concept wise and aesthetically. The wonder of fighting gargantuan enemies, and the prospects of having to think how you will tackle said foe is a combination that simply cannot be resisted.
The game is simple, and in that simplicity, it a game with such a wondefully magnificent experience. Visual, mental and aural feast this is. It almost transcends into the realm of art.
2 thumbs up.
Edite 12NovI completed the game. Pretty good ending, an I think I'll be replaying it for some time.
Gavin
pondered @ 00:30
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
I need...
I thought I was busy before, but I was wrong. It's only the beginning.
It's undeniably fun and challenging, but I have a feeling that i am going to start to miss out details, forget appointments and miss deadlines.
So...
What I really need for Christmas is a palm top. Or maybe a personal assistant.
That reminds me. Christmas is awfully close. That jolly yuletide cheer is slowly creeping up on us, and before long it will be that lovely season again.
So, whom do I owe christmas presents?
Gavin
pondered @ 20:22
Monday, November 07, 2005
Photos
So, a few weeks back, there was some renovation works being carried out at my place.
"We pleased to inform you"!?!!! So you're happy that I had to put up with noise? And what's with "we apologies"? Last of all, what in the world is a "quires"?
The last thing I want besides noise is bad english. Plus, they are supposed to be from a reputable company, ICI. WTF?
---Anyway, I wanted to ask anyone if they know what's wrong with the following shots.
Heh. ;p
So I was back at Nanyang JC this evening, and look what I foudn on my car?
Apparently, it found the top of my car the perfect resting place. It's so adorable, and patient while I took the shots. I want to get me a cat! It looks like that brown cat TImothy and I used to feed after school. I think it's the same cat, seeing how I didn't ave any adverse reactions towards my presence. It even looked like it was anticipating my approach. Heh.
Gavin
pondered @ 22:05
Friday, November 04, 2005
"Fifty years is ample time in which to change a world and its people almost beyond recognition. All that is required is a sound knowledge of social engineering, a clear sight of the intended goal - and power." - Arthur C. Clarke, Childhood's End
1965 - 2005, 40 years, and already, the results are starting to be seen. The power is quite absolute in this little case. IT's not neccessarily for the worse, BUT we lack the most basic of conditions - critical mass.
Resources, surprisingly are not such a big problem. I must take my hats of to the administrators for winning this gamble. Apart from the tricky issue of water, most of the other resources are solved with the advent of capitalism. You have the gold, you get the goods.
Now there's one problem with social engineering - Who is going to run the place after the forefathers have departed? Who is going to give directions, and more importantly, who is going to motivate everyone else.
The foremost prerequisite, power is missing.
We seem to have created a sticky situation where the people with the ability to lead, don't care. Or, they are totally ignored in the first place. People say alot of bad things about the situation, but if you ask me, either they are telling alot of lies, drinking alot of beer or just need something to say.
If there really is a big freaking problem, then people should start solving it. Right now, I seem to be contributing to the problem. So I'll just shut up now.
---Actually, all I wanted to do was to share a beautiful quote from a book.
Gavin
pondered @ 20:45
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Rubik's Cube
On discovery of the beauty of geometry and nautre, I have an irrepressible urge to solve a Rubic's cube. Where do I get me one?
Gavin
pondered @ 22:52
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Live everyday like there's no tomorrow, don't second guess yourself. Do whatever you please, don't bother what others will think, for that is their freedom, not yours to dictate. Live however you want, but never be obnoxious. Never commit to selfish aims, nor view with disdain the fellow man.
Stick with conviction to serve the people, ignore the urge to mould an image of your own. Perception may change, but with stregth of character, it will pass. Believe in yourself, and confidently thread. Loss is inevitable, only steps to a vitory eventually.
Nothing is for certain, that's for sure.
Rejoice not in other's power, abuse not what is given to you. Inspire the men with words, acts poise, but never betray their trust. Do not hesitate, least it cause doubt. When in doubt,, consult the men and consult the elders.
Shoulder that responsibility, and shrug of no duty. To lead is to set an example, and also, to act with wisdom. Experience will come, be patient and true.
Perhaps you will find a better place then.
Gavin
pondered @ 23:32
