Sunday, June 26, 2005
Hero-boy.
Disclaimer: If you know where to look and you are smart enough to enter, then maybe this post might give you much more insight. No worries. It is also meant to be read as a stand-alone.Wrong post!! Disclaimer not meant for this one. My bad.I always wanted to be a hero. Since my childhood, I was enamoured with that concept. That was until people started to tell me of things that could not be achieved. Of things that are only justified with results. They chose to preach to me of reality.
They dangled the bait before my eyees, but I did not bite. The years in Catholic High, the perfect shelther from their ultimate weapon.
Back in Cat High, It was all about us boys, and our dreams. Nothing was impossible. Boys together, shall walk in hand, through the noise of the world, confident in one and confident in all. The strange comaraderie, this brotherhood gave us strength. Those days, nothing could stop us.
Oh I miss those days.
Then those days of thunder came and left, leading to the Junior College Years. That was where they showed us their final weapon. Sex. Devious weapon, that was. Initially, it exploited basic instinct. Carnal desires that I strove to fight. Yes, I fought them, being the hero-wannabe.
"A hero would never allow himself to be tainted." I concluded.
That was the first step, and a wrong step. As time passed, the former companions became opponents, and enemies. Every other male was a threat, I thought.
Then htere was also the promise of "happiness". The constant reminder that I must find a mate, a partner; also, to have a family.
In the process, gradually losing sight of the "hero", becoming no more different from a zombie.
You know? I think they fought very well. It is such a wonderful strategy they employed.
I sound as though I am vilifying them. Don't be mistaken. I am not. In fact, you can consider that the natural order of things.
I guess that I am just wired differently. I still miss the Cat High days. I want to have fun, and I want to dream. Most importantly, I want to be a hero. I tried changing the words so that I would be a hero, tried apearing far more glorious than I actually was. In the end, it all feels empty.
Ignorance of one's flaws, and refusal to accept the past, are severly unbecoming of a hero. A hero does not deny his roots. A hero deosn not deny his flaws. A hero is he who works for a cause regardless the cost. A hero does not exist because others want him to. A hero exists because he refuses to die.
And though such a hero is old-fashioned, there is always room on this world for another one.
Gavin
pondered @ 20:44
