Thursday, June 29, 2006
Want to be a dad
Sometimes, I feel like I want to have children. Probably the result of hormones getting to my head.
I have always had a notion that I would make a bad parent. Either pampering and spoiling the child or end up neglecting it altogether. It's quite a scary thought, being a parent, but it has a certain appeal to it to. Something primal, and natural, and something that will make me feel good. I think.
It's odd thinking how an over-sized baby such as me, could end up becoming a father. The horror!
I mean, it's already so hard to let people into my head or my heart, yet to learn how to trust. Qualities unbecoming of a father.
Heh. The word father even has a weird ring to it, like something that I will not be. It's strange to have to be classified as a father. Like a label on your head. I dislike labels. Their sole purpose appears to be the restraint of one's freedom. Like, "you're a student," "I'm an asian," "I'm a driver".
I digress.
Someday, I would like to have someone close to me. Someone to care for, to love. It's rather tiring fighting for everyone everyday.
I think that's what everyone else would like too. A simple piece of home. Motivation to live life to its fullest. The missing piece that will push you to your potential.
Insane standards, unrealistic expectations and a desire for freedom. Impediments and opponents of stability. I try to do all this in hopes that someday a better world will come, a better world for me too.
Running, running, running, not ever stopping even to catch a breath. It's exciting, but nevertheless, lonely.
A hand to hold, someone to touch me, and someone to snuggle up to.
Oh well, just a little wish that I have every christmas.
---Mood: Sigh...
Listening to: Jack Johnson - Rodeo Clowns
Gavin
pondered @ 21:45
