Monday, March 20, 2006
I truthfully don't have a clue.
Stuck in a little shell of concrete confined to a self fufilling prophecy which dictates that I should be endlessly circling this vicious cycle. There simply is no motivation to get out of this hole, no avenue to take my mind of life.
Loneliness sets in especially when no one comprehends the ideas that brew in my mind. I am a hopeless romantic, and a senseless victim of fatalism. No! that is incorrect. I do not subscribe to the notion that all in the Universe is predestined. I find it incredulous to believe that there has already been an end even as the process is beginning.
Things I do are inconceivably irrational, and inside this body beats the heart of a poet waiting to go. An artist deep inside, that I cannot deny. As it goes, dust to dust, ashes to ashes, is there a point is a live a mellow, pointless existence?
I want to do things because I feel like doing them, I do not want the chains and bounds of perception to cloud the energy inside of me. Seize the day! Carpe Diem! At least that's a philosophy I can associate with.
Yet, all are prone to bouts of self-doubt. Selfish gremlins bearing cruel reminder to the fraility of a human mind, that taunt men, chiding them for their silly games, and ultimately coercing them into a state of inertia. inertia that slowly and steadily forces people into a gradual death. A death that signals the demise of concious participation in the game of life, and heralding a change into the existence of an automaton.
Only few exceptions break this monotony, and the two most important ones I am powerlss to help. "Powerless". It suggests possession of a ability to effect some change, it is rather hilarious considering that I have no right claiming I am better off than anyone.
In the end, I can only be responsible for myself, any act in contradiction to that rule would be a travesty. It's not wonder why I can never grasp the secrets of leadership nor love.
Is it even a wonder that that I am still seething mad since this morning?
Is it a surprise that I am lost?
Damn it all, even I have no inkling what transpires these days. Just that there's a deep intuittion that screams saying that the time is not that of the harvest.
Gavin
pondered @ 18:04
