Friday, October 14, 2005
"You think you can carry the world on your shoulders?"
So said Mr. Tan.
Perhaps I can't, but what if that is the only purpose that I can find any meaning in. To carrying such a weight allows the mind to forget about the trivial problems that trouble everyone else. It blocks out the pain and suffering, and it accuntuates the futility of individual whims.
Truth be said, I'm just a severly disturbed person. Afraid of being subjugated to the chains of emotion, thus eternally on the run to evade the steely grip of it's everpresent shadow.
In other words, I don't know how to live.
Does it matter? How the hell can people associate themselves with this far off person?To lead is to lead both my inspiration and by example. What good is it then to be something that no one find it worth becoming?
There no longer exist any motivation to push myself. It becomes so very dreary and weary. The question is how to inspire everyone else to improve?
But is that enough?
I simply don't understand how people work. Men are so dangerous, and strong, but oh so predicatable. Women are gentle and graceful, and in their unpredicatability lies an incredible strength that intimidates me. The difficulty here lies in straddling both sides. To bridge the gender, generation, subordinate-boss gap.
And at the same time to allow me to find my own happiness.
I am no Angel, but a devil with angel's wings. Upon those wings the weiight of the world shall crush and crush. Oh how my shoulders ache.
----------Edit: 2309After a short hour's nap, I wake up feeling less cranky. Nonetheless, the above still applies. But one can only wonder when I will throughly break down and collapse.
Next time I think I need a rest, I really do.
Gavin
pondered @ 21:46
