Friday, April 29, 2005
And so, I, remain stuck in base.
So, as the euphoria died down (which was within the hour of reaching home), everything felt rather empty. Afterall, I have been driving without a licence, so what gives?
Nothing.
In fact, I find myself with one motivation less. Something to look forward to no more. This day and age is perhaps, too mundane for my liking.
Now all people talk about is money, wealth and comfort. Granted, these are certainly desireable things, but is there not something more? There are so many yearnings that cannot be fufiled.
Urges that beckon me to experiment with the multitudes of human emotions. Secret wishes to be a hundred thousand different people. These little desires hidding where society cannot taint them.
The world is my stage, yet I cannot perform as I wish. No, no, such acts are frowned upon. They say "How can you not be real? You must be real, for no one will ever accept someone who fantasizes such as you."
Why?
The human mind, is filled unlimited potential. Infinity contained in one soul. If so, why tell me not to dream? Why tell me I can achieve anything, but tell me I cannot try everything.
It is hard enough as it is without tha lack of people who understand the inner makings of my soul. There are only 3? No sorry, there are only 2. Sad. It can be counted with just one hand.
It really is disheartening, trying to communicated with people. So often, they are too occupied with the surface world to care about what lies beneath. So familiar is the scene, where I struggle to find conversation. The effort involved is gargantuan. So maybe, I would choose to remain silent instead.
Especially when I tend to be disappointed easily.
The initial joy, the unspoken understanding, that bridging of the language barrier was quite apparent. I though I found one more person who could understand. However, as time was to reveal, it was wrong. Then for no specific reason, it seems like I was talking to a wall, or rather, I was like a wall just listening and nodding my head.
This lack of confidants. The lack of peers. It is infuriating how it is beyond my ocntrol.
Gavin
pondered @ 22:20
