On a more serious note, the feeling of "alone" has been rising and ebbing since that day, taunting me, saying it's not going to go away.

It's nothing much a little mental effort can't cure, but it's just not going away.

The more pertinent question however, is: Do I really feel alone or is it a matter of social expectations. An expectation that dictates that young men should not remain single.

On one hand, I would like to think that 20 years is enough to reamin single, yet, it is also remotely possible that it is time my heart yearns for a compliment. Not just equals, but a compliment.

On the other hand, it is highly possible that I am succumbing to social and peer pressure. The government wants me to have 2.1 children, yadda-yadda. My parents want me to continue the family line and my friends are all wax lyrical about love. It gets to you after awhile.

Why can't they go be all lovey-dovey and leave me alone?

Maybe they just don't know.

I would like to attribute tall this feelings to external influences, but I believe it all a simple matter of mitigation on my part. Then so, maybe there is a part of me that does not believe myself. A part of me that wants to be affected, to be tempted.

Maybe I'm avoiding the responsibility. Maybe I'm running from her, but then, you also can't clap with one hand.

You. Why don't you tell me what exactly you want from me.