Tuesday, December 24, 2002
I wonder whether there's such a thing as sick "fate". This year has seemed to be a rather illness ridden year for my family... Had one of my grandma's diagnosed with liver failure or something, had an aunt or 2 go through some operation, and today, I received news that my paternal grandpa's gotten a stroke. Yeah, it looks pretty depressing, but I'm wondering... Why don't I feel a single thing? I guess I've been hardened into such a state... It's kind of sad really, to grow into a heartless person.
I don't know since when have I started to act this way, perhaps this year would be the best estimate. Sometimes, I think I appear so cold that no one wants or dares to talk to me. Even one fo my best friends agreed on that point, saying that I'm trying to act cool... hmmm... Is that really true? Sometimes, I dunno, I have no problems getting along with guys, heck, I came from an all boys school, however when it comes to the girls, somehow, they feel that I'm unapproachable and cold... Ah well... Honestly speaking, there's only a handful of them who I'm more amicable to, but otherwise, I guess his observation was true.
Once again, I had to call several people in class cause our "leader" organized a outing, but left the details to "heaven"... Geezzz... I guess if I call people up, then perhaps they'll not think of me as such a cold person. Last night one of my classmates had a lot to say regarding the outing, and I was like thinking while she spoke "God... don't you ever stop..." So far, there's only been two girls whom I can really talk on the phone with comfortably(try guessing). Perhaps I've got a problem somewhere. Counting the number of female firneds I have, well... I think the only number less than 5. Kind obligated to thank 2 of them now, Cheryl and Meixian. If weren't for Cheryl, I'd probably condemned all girls due to a bad experience in the April to June period(P.S, if you're reading this, I'm still waiting for the day we get receipts for paying the EL fund ;P). Thanks for your advice. Meixian, well, I guess that's the first time I ever really liked a girl, thanks for letting me know how it's like to love.
Thinking of it now, it reminds me of another of my pals, he's situation is almost kind of opposite to mine. He has a weakness for girls, yup, he even said so himself. Kind of interesting to see that he'd be on the opposite end of the spectrum. Heck he finds it no problem to be with girls, and sometimes, I can't help but notice he's always surrounded by them.
Perhaps my New Year's Resolution would be to be more friendly to the opposite sex... hmmm... perhaps.
Gavin
pondered @ 15:42
