Friday, December 06, 2002
Another day begins. Well, actually it's near it's end. It's a public holiday, and I was supposed to meet someone to trade cards. Well, I thought, that's something to keep my mind occupied.
I guess I was wrong... as usual. Instead I started hoping that she would call me, it's a public holiday afterall, and I don't think she'd be working. Well, seeing that there's been no news till now, I presume either she's working or out there with her friend/friends. I often wonder whether her so called friends are really just friends or... more?
As if things couldn't get worse, I went to the MRT station to meet my fellow card player, only to realize he coudn't make it... There goes a deal worth $14... Well, it's not as though I'm desperate to raise cash anymore... not now anyway. After raising close to $200 just for that special Christmas plan, somehow... I feel it ain't worth it. I remember a time when she was all I cared for, where this christmas plan was all I was going to strive for. Ha... That time was just 10 days ago. Now, I'm not so certain. I'm even tempted to splurge that cash on myself.
Irony... At one point I felt that we had something going... was it just an illusion? Worse is I didn't have the courage to establish that. I wanted to be with her, yet I was afraid... I would always say: "I'm gonna give her some time to think, don't pressure her." Well, all seems like an excuse now. Again... I dozed of in the afternoon... and it doesn't help that I keep dreaming of her... Geezz... what's wrong with me... Someone... Heaven... help me.
Now that song's looping inside my mind...
"you won't admit you love me
and so how am i ever to know
you always tell me
perhaps perhaps perhaps
a million times i've asked you
and then
i ask you over
again
you only answer
perhaps perhaps perhaps
if you can't make your mind up
we'll never get started
and i don't wanna wind up
being parted
broken-hearted
so if you really love me
say yes
but if you don't dear
confess
and please don't tell me
perhaps perhaps perhaps"
Kinda perfect to describe the situation. Geezzz.... stop playing in my head!!
It's less than 12 hours till I see her tomorrow. I'm scared... very scared. Now I'm telling myself: " What makes you so sure you're gonna see her."
Gavin
pondered @ 20:02
